“I don’t wanna do this no more, we did this before, give you my heart, and you break it some more,
I think I like feeling shitty, not really,
But now and then the bed gets chilly,
and I forget how you did me,
Now I do to them, what you did to me…pity.”
Let’s Go 2 Work.
People say that in order to properly heal after a breakup you need at least a year to yourself. I’ve also heard that however long you’ve been with a person, you need half of that time to heal your wounds. Besides that, I haven’t heard anyone talk about how to heal, what they’ve done to heal, or what does a healed person look and sound like. After being married for ten years, and now going on my sixth year of being divorced and single, I’ve learned the following about healing…
Healed does not mean the scars go away.
Healing needs focused ISOLATION so that you can answer these three questions… “Who are you?” “What do you want?” and “Where are you going?”
Healing requires absolute accountability and responsibility. You have no control over the actions of other people, but you do have 100% control over how you will move going forward. Take complete blame for the failure of the relationship and aim to never repeat the same mistakes again.
Healed does not mean that you are now perfect.
All the answers you need come to you when you’re alone. At the same time, all your demons find you too and this is what people run from. If you’ve ever had an injury, then you know that the process of healing is hard before it is easy. Spend one hour in solitude daily with NO distractions (meditation music is okay) and see yourself come out on the other side as a stronger man. (F.E.A.R-Face Everything And Rise)
Being alone and being lonely is two different things. The definition of lonely means to feel sad because you’re alone. Change the word “sad” into something else like “happy because you are alone” or “re-energized because you’re alone” and by definition you’re no longer lonely.
Healing creates a zest for life which comes from knowing who you are, where you’re going, and what you want.
Healing creates self-love. We hear women speak about their boundaries and standards all the time, but we men seem to have none at all. Why? Because we don’t love and respect ourselves. I struggled with this for a long time. I figured that I didn’t have to love myself; I thought I just needed to provide and protect. Before you take off on a flight, the flight attendants warn that if things go awry, it’s imperative for you to put your oxygen mask on before you try to help anyone else. So is the same with self-love. If you don’t love yourself first, you will never be able to truly love others.
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7) If time has passed and you’re still on some scared to love shit, jealous/insecure shit, speak death rather than life to yourself and others shit…take yo ass back to isolation cuz you still have a lot of work to do.
A healed man is never a small man. The day you understand that is the day you can call yourself…healed.
